Hi, I'm JeiJei. I am a moose-goat-platypus-hagfish. This is to say I am canadian and produce a haze of foul-smelling mucus to ward off predators. I also have poisonous foot spikes and eat tin. One half of JeiAbi. It may also be worth noting I'm a bit of a prick and like candy. I guess that's all really.

I don't believe people when they compliment me. I don't believe people when they bother to communicate at all, really. I'm lying right now.

Featured in that gif is my replica shrunken head, Gary. He's not a real head as far as I know, but he looks good.

"Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp;
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."
Dorothy Parker, ‘Resume’